Reflections on my inner and outer worlds.

Posts tagged “craving

Life Transfers (9/8/2016)

I don’t want to be here.
I don’t want to stay alive.
But I’m scared to try to die.
In case of failure.

I’d gladly trade the rest of my life
for someone who’s close to dying.
So they could get a chance to live
and not feel robbed.

If I could,
I WOULD

I don’t have potential.
I don’t have anything worth living for.

Why waste it on me?
Why not give it to a child dying right now?
Why not?
They could have potential.

I don’t.
I don’t have anything to look forward to.
I don’t have a promising career in mind.
Or a want to start a family.

I don’t care about any of that.
I don’t care about happiness or joy.
I don’t care about wealth or a spectacular job.
I don’t care about having a future family either.

I don’t want any of that.
There’s no point.
I obsess over death.
I know I do.

I’ve been told that I do.
I obsess over death too much according to some.
But that’s because
that’s all I ever wanted in the end.

I crave death.
I crave for the feeling for my heart to stop beating.
I crave for the day that my body goes limp
from lack of blood flow from my heart.

I live for the day that I stop breathing.
I don’t care if death would only be darkness.
I don’t care if it would only be forgetting my entire life.
I don’t care about any of that.

If I could, I would transfer whatever life I had left
to someone dying right now.
I don’t need it. I don’t want it.
But someone else does.

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