One day, I feel happy.
The next, I feel sad.
I don’t know why.
My nightmares become more intense.
I dreamt of my love about to be murdered.
I begged the murderer not to kill him.
I begged and pleaded him not to kill him.
He turned me toward my love…
And went to kill him…
But before that happened…
I woke up.
I couldn’t cry.
I couldn’t cry at all.
Not a single tear.
I tried so much but I couldn’t.
The next night, I had a nightmare as well.
I dreamt that no one would help me.
And that I just wanted to kill myself.
I wanted to go to a very high place and just jump off.
I went to a tall place and looked down.
I got dizzy a bit but I still wanted to jump.
I didn’t feel scared really at all.
I felt comfortable with the idea.
It scared me so much to actually feel comfortable with that idea.
I was so scared when I woke up.
But before I woke up..
I was standing on the edge of a tall place about to jump.
Before I could jump or do anything,
I woke up.
I couldn’t cry again.
I felt incredibly sad and I couldn’t cry.
But later, I got a pet fish.
He’s a betta and his name is Moonlight.
He’s such a beauty.
When I saw him, I could barely contain how happy I was.
I was trying hard to hold back from crying.
But I never cried before.
Not cry tears of happiness I mean.
It was weird.
I felt so happy from Moonlight that I was gonna cry.
But I couldn’t cry from my nightmares.
They scared me so much and made me so sad.
But I couldn’t cry…
I don’t know why I feel this way.