Reflections on my inner and outer worlds.

I’m Sorry (1/29/2015)

I can’t help myself.
I’m sorry, but I just find it hard to continue.
It’s hard to continue to do anything.
I just feel like I care less and less everyday.
Like I wouldn’t care so much about what happens to me.
It hurts me so much when I think about what’s happening.
But it just happens to me when I don’t think about it.
I hate how it feels like I don’t have control.
Why can’t I help myself?
I’m trying my best to get through life.
But it seems to never be good enough.
Not to me.
And not to anyone else.
I’m trying so hard not to give up completely.
But it’s so hard to find a reason not to.
I feel like everyone is giving up on me.
I’m sorry to be such a difficult, pain in the ass.
I’m trying to change, but I don’t think it’s working.
Because I feel like I should be more open.
But it’s making everyone start to not want to be around me.
Or just get annoyed/pissed off at me.
I’m sorry that I’m not trying hard enough.
But I sincerely am trying very hard.
But it’s hard to fight back the feelings.
Feelings like anger, frustration, sadness, and a million others.
It’s really hard to not let them get in the way of our friendship.
But lately, that’s all it seems to do.
I’m sorry, but I’m trying.
But I’m losing my will to try.
I’m sorry that I’m not strong enough to continue without falling.

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