Reflections on my inner and outer worlds.

Helplessness (9/17/2014)

It’s happening again.
These feelings.
I’m breaking again.
I thought I was fixed…
But I’m breaking once more.
I can’t be of help.
I want to help.
But I just can’t.
I’m breaking.
Every part inside of me is crumbling.
It’s not staying together.
Everything I taught myself to do.
To not cry at pathetic things.
To not feel this way.
It’s all breaking.
It’s all falling apart.
Why.
Why can’t I stay together?
I tried my best to stay together.
Until this same situation came here.
Just like before.
Just like the others.
Thoughts of them…
“Leaving.”
“Going away.”
Committing suicide.
The ones I love.
Those thoughts of them.
Never coming back.
I thought I got rid of those sorts of feelings.
I thought I was able to.
I thought I’d never feel this way again.
But it’s come back to haunt me.
Go away…
GO AWAY!
I hate these feelings.
Tears rushing down my face.
My stomach aching to puke.
My head hurting.
Unable to think.
Confusion surrounding my broken soul.
I thought those feelings were gone.
But they’re back.
I want to help the ones I love.
So I don’t have to feel this way.
But I can’t help.
I can’t help…
I’m so useless as usual.
I can’t be of any help to the ones I love.
I want to help…
But I can’t…

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