What Matters? (8/30/2014)
Because being myself is not good enough.
Because not being kind enough will build a lonely atmosphere around me.
Because acting on what I think will make me alone.
Why do I have to be a certain way to prevent loneliness?
I’m always alone, but why?
I try my hardest to not be alone.
I try my hardest to be well-liked.
Yet I am still alone.
Yet I still am well-disliked.
I can’t be the best that you want me to be.
I can’t be the kindest person to help whenever you ring that bell.
I can’t be the problem-less person so I’ll have more time for you.
I’ve given my time to help.
But you just push me away.
And when you really need me, I’m not there.
Just as how you weren’t ever there for me.
But yet I still end up as the bad guy.
I’m still the bad person.
I’m still the cold-hearted human being who has to act like I have no problems.
Well, fuck you.
I have problems of my own.
You’re not the only one with problems.
You’re not the only one who has to deal with difficult situations.
No, you’re not.
I have problems of my own to deal with.
Demons of my own to conquer.
Dreams to fulfill.
A life to go through.
Stop it with you’re petty acts of desperately calling for attention.
Those acts get answered.
Those calls for “help” were answered.
What about mine?
What about my calls for help when I’m struggling to climb up the edge of the cliff?
Why weren’t mine answered?!?!
They didn’t matter.
They were only part of the being who gave up being kind to the people who didn’t care about her.
Those calls for help never mattered.
She didn’t matter.
I didn’t matter…