Reflections on my inner and outer worlds.

Archive for August, 2014

New LP

Hey guys! I just did my first LP over the game The Walking Dead! I hope you guys check it out and enjoy it. Please like, comment, and subscribe. ^^ I’ll be creating more LP’s in the near future. 😀

Advertisements

What Matters? (8/30/2014)

Because being myself is not good enough.

Because not being kind enough will build a lonely atmosphere around me.

Because acting on what I think will make me alone.

Why do I have to be a certain way to prevent loneliness?

I’m always alone, but why?

I try my hardest to not be alone.

I try my hardest to be well-liked.

Yet I am still alone.

Yet I still am well-disliked.

I can’t be the best that you want me to be.

I can’t be the kindest person to help whenever you ring that bell.

I can’t be the problem-less person so I’ll have more time for you.

I’ve given my time to help.

But you just push me away.

And when you really need me, I’m not there.

Just as how you weren’t ever there for me.

But yet I still end up as the bad guy.

I’m still the bad person.

I’m still the cold-hearted human being who has to act like I have no problems.

Well, fuck you.

I have problems of my own.

You’re not the only one with problems.

You’re not the only one who has to deal with difficult situations.

No, you’re not.

I have problems of my own to deal with.

Demons of my own to conquer.

Dreams to fulfill.

A life to go through.

Stop it with you’re petty acts of desperately calling for attention.

But yet…

Those acts get answered.

Those calls for “help” were answered.

What about mine?

What about my calls for help when I’m struggling to climb up the edge of the cliff?

HUH?!

Why weren’t mine answered?!?!

Oh yeah…

They didn’t matter.

They were only part of the being who gave up being kind to the people who didn’t care about her.

Those calls for help never mattered.

She didn’t matter.

I didn’t matter…


No Escape (8/11/14)

I stand in the middle.

Looking at everyone surrounding me.

Thinking, “Why am I here?”

“Why am I around these people that don’t like me?”

I try to get out of their circle.

I can’t.

They block my path.

I try to push out of it, but they push me back.

“Let me out!” I scream towards them.

But they ignore me as if they heard silence.

I run towards them again.

But to no avail, I’m trapped in the circle.

Trapped in their hatred and lies.

“Let me out.”

“Let me out!!” I scream.

One person turns towards me but then looks away.

They go back to socializing with the people in the circle.

I fall to my knees and bow my head.

“Please, please let me out.”

Tears stream down my face and I grasp my head in my hands.

I can’t get out.

No matter what I try, I can’t get out.

I hear a faint sound.

It sounds like someone is calling my name.

I keep my head bowed down, I don’t want look at anyone.

But the persistent calling grows louder.

Louder and louder as if someone were screaming in my ear.

I reluctantly look up.

I see a bright light surrounded by darkness.

I hear it call my name.

It looks so beautiful.

I reach towards the light.

Seconds away from touching it, darkness engulfs me.

My happiness shattered.

My hope destroyed.

Trapped in the darkness, wondering what happened.

Wondering why I’m here.

Wondering why I can’t get out.

“I can’t escape after all.”