Reflections on my inner and outer worlds.

Archive for July, 2014

Why.. (7/8/2014)

143…486…
Some of the few numbers to bring life to the forgotten.
But why…
Why the forgotten?
Why the person swept away from their peers?
Why does stuff happen to the unlucky?
Why can’t anything bad happen to the ones who are always happy?
Does no one care about us?
But why…?
WHY?!
I’ve nearly poured my energy out to be happy..
Why do I still feel so sad?
Why can’t I be happy?
It seems so easy for everyone around me.
But why can’t it be easy for me to be happy?
I want to be happy..
Why is it no one wants me to be happy?!
I didn’t do anything to deserve this burden.
But why?
I want to be happy..
I want people to care for me.
But no one does..
It’s all lies when they say they care.
They always lie!
Why can’t anyone be honest with me..
Why…


I Don’t Know (7/7/2014)

No, I guess I don’t know anything.

Yes, I know it’s just a pathetic shame.

I don’t know anything and I guess I’m stupid for it.

It hurts a lot when others treat me like shit.

Just because I don’t know something all the time.

It hurts when it feels like not knowing everything is a bad thing.

Maybe I’m just a blinded turtle.

Who got taken away while heading towards the sea.

Getting promised something my whole life…

Just for it to be a seagull to sweep me away.

Taking me far from the sea.

Far from the place where I’m supposed to belong.

I don’t know anymore.

Maybe I wasn’t destined to belong in the sea with everyone else.

Maybe I don’t belong anywhere near the sea.

No one wants a creep or a weirdo around.

No one wants a pessimistic being in their lives.

Out of the group of turtles I was born with…

I’m the only one who doesn’t belong.

Why…?

Why am I the only one who doesn’t belong?!

I want to belong with them…

I want people to call friends for longer than a week..

I don’t know…

I just know that I don’t belong.

I don’t belong with them.

Being swept away by a seagull…

Either became my blessing or my hell.

It feels more like my hell..

Because I never saw anything good in being the only one who doesn’t belong.

Who wants to stay an outcast their entire lives?

Who likes being that one person who doesn’t belong?

How can anyone stand to be an outcast?!

HOW?!

Please tell me how…

I want to know how to get through this life being considered an outcast…

It’s so hard to keep going.

Many of times I feel like I’ve given up..

But why do I still struggle to keep my life?

Why when I know I hate it so much..

So much that it only brought burdens to others…

Instead of blessings..

Please tell me how to go on in this life as the outcast…

Please…

Because I don’t know how anymore…